You’re pouring your heart out to someone you trust, telling them about a particularly difficult day. Maybe you lost a promotion you’d been working toward for months, or perhaps you’re struggling with a family situation that’s keeping you up at night. They listen for about thirty seconds, then cut in with, “Well, at least you have a job” or “That reminds me of when I…” and suddenly the conversation isn’t about you anymore.
Sound familiar? You walk away from these interactions feeling strangely empty, like your words disappeared into thin air. The person seemed to be listening, but somehow you ended up hearing about their problems instead of getting any support for yours.
These moments reveal something important about certain people in our lives. They use specific phrases that sound innocent enough on the surface, but consistently redirect attention back to themselves. Once you start recognizing these selfish people phrases, you’ll hear them everywhere.
The Hidden Language of Self-Absorption
Deeply selfish individuals often don’t realize they’re being self-centered. Their language patterns reveal an unconscious inability to genuinely connect with others’ experiences. These phrases act like conversational shields, protecting them from having to truly engage with anyone else’s reality.
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“Most people who consistently use these phrases aren’t malicious,” explains Dr. Sarah Chen, a behavioral psychologist. “They’ve developed communication habits that prioritize their own comfort and perspective above genuine connection.”
The impact goes far beyond hurt feelings. When someone repeatedly dismisses or redirects your experiences, it can leave you questioning your own emotions and judgment. You might find yourself shrinking in conversations, sharing less, or walking away feeling drained rather than supported.
The 11 Phrases That Give Them Away
Here are the most common selfish people phrases that reveal someone’s inability to step outside their own perspective:
| Phrase | What It Really Means | Impact on You |
|---|---|---|
| “I don’t see what the big deal is” | Your emotions are inconvenient | Makes you doubt your feelings |
| “That reminds me of when I…” | Time to redirect to my story | Your experience gets overshadowed |
| “At least you don’t have to…” | My problems are worse | Minimizes your struggles |
| “You’re being too sensitive” | Your reaction is wrong | Invalidates your emotional response |
| “I would never do that” | I’m superior to you | Creates shame and judgment |
“You’re being too sensitive” might be the most damaging phrase on this list. It’s a conversation killer that immediately puts you on the defensive. Instead of acknowledging that they might have said something hurtful, they make your emotional response the problem.
“That reminds me of when I…” seems harmless until you realize it happens every single time you try to share something. Your story becomes a launching pad for theirs, and somehow you never get back to discussing what you were going through.
Other phrases that frequently appear include:
- “I’ve been through worse” – Turns your pain into a competition
- “You should just get over it” – Dismisses your processing time
- “I don’t understand why you care so much” – Makes your values seem excessive
- “That’s not how I would handle it” – Implies their way is superior
- “You’re overthinking this” – Shuts down your analytical process
- “Why are you making such a big deal out of nothing?” – Minimizes your concerns
“These phrases share a common thread,” notes relationship counselor Mark Rodriguez. “They all center the speaker’s perspective as the only valid one, while simultaneously diminishing the other person’s experience.”
When Everyday Conversations Become Emotional Minefields
The real damage happens gradually. You might not notice it after one conversation, but when someone consistently uses these selfish people phrases, it changes how you interact with them. You start editing yourself, sharing less personal information, or avoiding certain topics altogether.
Consider what happens in your family, workplace, or friend groups. Maybe there’s someone who always manages to make your good news about them, or who responds to your struggles by immediately topping them with their own. Over time, you learn to protect yourself by sharing less.
This creates a ripple effect in relationships. Trust erodes slowly as you realize that this person isn’t actually interested in supporting you or celebrating your wins. They’re waiting for their turn to talk, using your words as cues to launch into their own stories.
“The most insidious part is how normal these interactions can seem,” explains Dr. Chen. “The phrases aren’t overtly hostile, so you might question whether you’re being too sensitive – which, ironically, is exactly what they want you to think.”
In professional settings, colleagues who use these phrases can make workplace relationships feel superficial and competitive rather than collaborative. In romantic relationships, they can gradually erode intimacy and emotional safety. With friends, they can turn what should be mutual support into one-sided performances.
Protecting Yourself From Conversational Narcissism
Once you recognize these patterns, you can’t unsee them. But awareness gives you power. You can choose how much emotional energy to invest in relationships with people who consistently use these phrases.
Some people might be willing to grow and change their communication patterns if you address it directly. Others will double down, insisting you’re “too sensitive” or “making a big deal out of nothing” – which, unfortunately, proves your point.
The key is learning to validate your own experiences instead of seeking that validation from people who aren’t capable of providing it. Your feelings and experiences matter, regardless of whether someone else “sees what the big deal is.”
Remember that healthy relationships involve genuine curiosity about each other’s inner lives. When someone consistently redirects conversations back to themselves, they’re showing you exactly how much space they have for your reality in their world.
FAQs
How can I tell if someone is genuinely selfish or just having a bad day?
Look for patterns over time. Everyone occasionally redirects conversations or dismisses feelings when stressed, but selfish people do this consistently across multiple interactions.
Should I confront someone who uses these phrases repeatedly?
You can try addressing it once directly, but be prepared for defensiveness. Often, people who use these phrases aren’t open to feedback about their communication style.
What’s the difference between sharing a similar experience and making it about yourself?
Sharing similar experiences to show understanding is fine if you then redirect attention back to the other person. Making it about yourself means your story becomes the new focus.
Can deeply selfish people change their communication patterns?
Some can, especially if they genuinely want to improve their relationships. However, it requires significant self-awareness and consistent effort to break ingrained habits.
How do I respond when someone uses these phrases with me?
You can say something like “I’m not looking for advice right now, just support” or “I’d really appreciate it if we could focus on this for a moment before moving on.”
Is it possible that I’m being too sensitive to these phrases?
Trust your gut feelings. If conversations with someone consistently leave you feeling unheard or dismissed, that’s valuable information about the relationship dynamic, regardless of their intentions.
